A Parenting Roadmap For Social Network
This is a visitor post by Wendy and Jeff Henderson. Jeff is a prominent voice on how to create and grow momentum for organizations and leaders and belongs to mySpeaking Team.You can reserve Jeff to seek advice from with your team or speak at your next occasion here. By Jeff and Wendy Henderson
Parenting is similar to a pendulum.
The tighter you pull back on the pendulum the faster it retreats when you eventually launch it.
The goal of parenting is launching our kids into the world, prepared and prepared. It’s why we need to slowly but regularly launch the pendulum throughout the teenage years.
In the early years, pulling securely on the pendulum makes best sense. This is the season of safety seat. But before you know it, the one in the safety seat will actually be in the chauffeur’s seat repeling.
If we still treat them like they remain in the car seat when they are teens, they will drive away unprepared to make choices as an adult.
If we still treat them like they remain in the vehicle seat when they are teens, they will one drive away unprepared to make choices as an adult.
In our presentations to parents about social networks, we hear (and understand) the strong temptation to entirely manage, restrict and ban its use in the lives of their kids. And, that may be the best call for some teens in specific seasons and for certain factors.
Our concern though is what occurs when the kids go off to college or eventually leave the house– which, by the way, is the goal.
When the parenting pendulum has actually been so tightly pulled back, controlled and limiting, the natural counter-reaction is to swing extremely in the other direction when launched. There’s an expression for this.
It’s called Freshman Year.
When the parenting pendulum has actually been so securely pulled back, controlled and restrictive, the natural counter-reaction is to swing wildly in the other instructions when released.
It does not have to be this way
We can apply this parenting principle which is so useful and real when our kids are teenagers:
Great parenting isn’t controlling. Terrific parenting is training.
Fantastic parenting isn’t managing. Terrific parenting is coaching.
This holds true in all locations of life, and social media is one of them.
Coaching our kids on how to use technology is a far better strategy than just controlling their innovation usage. That’s not to say you provide up control. Keep in mind, you are the parent. You are in control. But as Andy Stanley says, “Method is whatever.”
How we approach our kids on this and any topic makes all the distinction.
Consider it like teaching our kids how to drive a car. If we dug in our heels and stated, “There are a great deal of things that might go wrong. You are not driving a car,” well, that’s an approach. Probably not a healthy one.
The much better method is what we usually do. It’s a procedure.
There is a student’s authorization, driving school and guidelines for the road.
We don’t simply hand a teen secrets to an automobile and say, “Best of luck.”
And yet, sometimes, that’s what happens with technology. We hand our kids a phone and state, “Excellent luck” with very little training or training.
It’s why social media ought to resemble learning to drive. There must be a student’s permit, driving school and guidelines for the roadway.
Since this doesn’t currently exist, we are going to give you ideas for each one of these.
The supreme goal of this parenting roadmap is helping you gradually release the parenting pendulum so that when you ultimately launch it the result isn’t a wild swing in the opposite direction. It leads to our kids being released with the wisdom and maturity to make the very best decisions possible.
Coaching our kids on how to use innovation is a far better method than merely managing their technology usage.
Before you begin coaching your kids on social networks, it’s valuable to start with some basic rules concerning their phone usage:
- Please repeat this statement to your kids over and over: “The primary reason you have a phone is so that I can contact you. It is not so you can get in touch with your friends.”
- The “Find my Pals” app is your friend. Our kids understand we are tracking them by means of their phone and we know exactly where they are. This is a terrific present to us as moms and dads (though we’re happy our parents didn’t have this!)
- Notify them of the monthly cost of their phone and when they can, have them contribute to the expense. This not only teaches them about technology however also about financial resources.
- Read their text messages. Yes, that’s right. Attack their personal privacy. We informed our kids there need to be no deleting of text. We didn’t tell them when we would read their text messages, only that we would from time to time. This helped supply some great conversations and coaching about how to react to certain scenarios along with getting a peek on what they are thinking. It likewise, perhaps, forced them to have an actual discussion with a good friend versus texting about it. This was a win in and of itself.
Please repeat this declaration to your kids over and over: “The main reason you have a phone is so that I can connect with you. It is not so you can contact your pals.”
You are the trainer of this school, even if you don’t consider yourself really tech-savvy. How the trainer drives is often how the student drives.
- No phones at the table.
- When moms and dads restrict their own usage of technology in your home, it is modeling the method for their kids.
When parents limit their own usage of innovation in the house, it is modeling the way for their kids.
- With any school, there are particular turning points and tests that cause graduation. As we stated in our last post, when our kids wanted to get on Snapchat, we had an age milestone of 16 years of ages. Till they were 16, it was non-negotiable. Once they reached 16, they had to watch the preaching series “The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating” by Andy Stanley. Seeing a series on love, sex and dating with your moms and dads would certainly make any teen question how much they really wanted a Snapchat account.
- Point out favorable good example on social networks. Often, we just hear the negative side of technology. However, there is a very positive side. We have had excellent discussions about what specific athletes or other good example have actually shared on social media– whether it is a quote or how they are living their lives. This, obviously, would need you to be following and remembering of how you can utilize the positive stories you find and using it as a part of your social media motorist’s school. Take advantage of the positive stories out there and utilize them as training tools.
Mention positive function models on social media.
- Choose one social media channel and stay with that a person for a year. There actually isn’t any reason for our kids to have multiple social networks channels beginning. It’s a lot easier for you to manage and train them with just one channel.
- Once you have chosen that a person channel, be sure to follow your teen and make their account personal. Watch on whom they are following and who is following them.
- In the majority of social networks channels, you can be notified when your teen posts something. This enables you to motivate them on something they published, or offer feedback if you didn’t like what they posted. In any case, the point is clear to your kids– you are focusing on what they are doing on social networks. It’s all part of the Social network Driving School.
There actually isn’t any factor for our kids to have numerous social networks channels beginning out.
Rules for the Road
Consider these 10 guidelines for the road as road indications and speed limits. You may even consider publishing them somewhere in your house.
- Never ever text or post out of anger. It’s like going to the grocery store hungry. Both will lead to regret.
Never text or post out of anger. It’s like going to the supermarket hungry. Both will result in regret.
- Ask this concern before texting or publishing: “Would I desire my parents to read this?”
- Ask this question prior to texting or publishing: “Will I regret this 5 years from now?”
- Criticize personally not online. If you have something unfavorable to state, say it directly and independently.
- Are you able to take a break from social networks for 10 days? If not, it’s time to take a break from social networks.
Are you able to take a break from social media for 10 days? If not, it’s time to take a break from social media.
- Be an encourager online, not a critic.
- Be the exact same person online as you are offline.
- If you aren’t sure you need to publish it, do not.
- The photos you reveal of yourself should be modest and classy.
If you aren’t sure you ought to post it, do not. The pictures you reveal of yourself must be modest and stylish.
- Never ever determine your self-regard and identity from social media. If you do, you have actually given over control of your life to other people.
In lots of ways, parenting is more difficult today than ever previously since these days of innovation are extraordinary. While it is easy to understand to parent out of fear, it’s better to parent out of faith knowing that God enjoys our kids more than we do and He has assured to give us knowledge when we ask.
While it is easy to understand to parent out of fear, it’s better to parent out of faith knowing that God loves our kids more than we do and He has guaranteed to give us wisdom when we ask.
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This content was originally published here.